One step closer to you
Til I let go of a broken heart..
I let go to an open heart..
I let go of my broken dreams..I let go to the mystery
and I believe in the miracle..
I believe in the spiritual..
I believe in the one above..
I believe in the one I love
I think after listening to this Franti tune tons of times the last verse maybe "one of love" and not "one I love" - but either way, it is one of my favorite songs of his. The line about let go of a broken heart to an open heart, to me expresses a kind of death and re-birth that is necessary for self-growth. As a couple, we have experienced our own near death and coming back from it has made us stronger. I know I have been going overkill on quoting his stuff lately, but lyrically he seems to be the current artist who reflects my views on so many things lately.
Today is July 7 - meaning 11 years ago was the first date I had with my wife. Coincidentally, my parents birthdays and anniversary are around this time as well. I remember the awkward drive to Julian with Victoria, she was getting ready to move back to Chicago and I was telling her I would miss her when she went. back I tried to do a little singing in the forest for her, but we were covered with flies. She made the comment once that she must really trust me for me taking her off so far to the outskirts of San Diego, and her room-mate actually scolded her later. A lot of people do trust me instinctively - despite the Ted Bundy like personality I seem to have, most people seem to realize I am pretty non-threatening. We drew a Tarot card when she came back to my lovely little shack by Mission Bay, and for some reason that inspired her to ask me to hold her, which felt really nice - and our little smooch we had I will always remember. Something about being with her felt like being home - it did then, and it still does now.
So - needless to say - we have had our challenges, and still do. She is still talking about moving back to Chicago, and that issue has and never will be resolved. Depression hovers around us at times, and depression can be all-consuming. We are together now, but the future is uncertain - as it has been with us from the beginning. It is a day at a time now. We have had struggles with everything from intimacy to the conflicts about what the next project will be and the funds to do it - in other words - sex and money - the two number one topics couples fight about. In some ways we are complete opposites, and yet in some ways our minds connect and we can be completely on the same page. Both of the hormones are flying and affecting emotions as we approach the official mark of mid life, growing old, coming to terms with the fact that we aren't young any more, where we are going, and what we are doing. And of course- having a child with stomach and stress issues is always a challenge too - and by the way - the initial indication from this somewhat stressful procedure she had is that everything is seemingly normal - at least from a clinical point of view.
What I can really go into is my perspective here because even though I know her well, I can't read her mind either. I think if I had ever really decided to throw in the towel here, and say okay - you are right - we can't work this out - let's go our separate ways, we would not be together now. Yet somehow I have always believed in our relationship, and faith can be contagious. You can look at the glass half full or empty, and I am choosing half full - even though I could spend hours here dwelling on the half empty if I wanted to. I could provide a long list of my wife's character "flaws" if you want to call them that, things that rub me the wrong way about her, and I am sure she could double the list of mine in a heartbeat and we could spend hours telling the world about the crappy aspects of who each of us are.
But - we are human beings, and as Don Ruiz says - once we look inside past our own judgements and poisoned conditioning, we see we are perfect in our imperfection. I have spent a long time writing and singing about this re-programming - and it is no coincidence I am more at peace with myself than I have ever been. I am not going to tell you all the poison is out, but it is not as consuming as it once was. Sure I was pissed off when I couldn't hook up the new VCR/DVD - but in the past I would have been more so. This time I looked ahead and told myself - somehow it is going to be okay - and even though the combination of the heat outside and the environment of Hell Mart made me feel somewhat nauseous the last time I had to go into the place to figure this thing out, it did work out - and having a little faith goes a long way. This faith is something I have developed toward the latter part of my life, slowly but surely, and maybe in my case I have been lucky enough to grow a little wiser with age.
But this same faith applies to us. We hit a lot of bumps in the road in our relationship - that in the scheme of things are just that - bumps. You can choose to look at them as insurmountable obstacles, or you can say - we have come this far - and like the Beatles song says "We Can Work it Out". Part of it is past history - 2 1/2 years ago it was looking about as bleak as it ever has been, but we were lucky enough to hit the right therapist locally - and they can be hard to find here - who said the right words at the right time to bring us back together. So in my case, I do believe in a little bit of a team of destiny here because the odds are already against a couple lasting together 11 years.
The main thing I have learned is it is indeed a blessing to have a companion by your side - someone who has been there for more than a 1/4 of your life. Yet this companion cannot be the one to fulfill you and complete you on every level. If I don't feel loved, I can't rely on her to make me feel loved. That has to come from within first. I can't control how she may be feeling, she may be in the get away from me mode for reasons that are out of my control. But I can turn within to find a world of everything I have ever wanted and wished for. The answer is within and fulfillment must come there first. Once that happens, you can bring that to the table and build upon the foundation of a relationship with that. But if you are demanding completion and fulfillment from your partner on every level, it is the old sinking ship where you will just weigh it down and there will be nothing to hold it up. I have found it - through a lot of soul searching, music - songs like the one I am going to list at the end of this - that may seem kind of creepy to some more traditionally minded, but I have found them to be pretty inspiring myself. And once you find it, it does not just stay there, you have to keep working at it every day. Just like the Evan Almighty movie we saw on the 4th, once you pray for something it is just not a magical granting of a wish - you have to make it happen with the opportunity presente.d
What I like about the Franti song is it goes against the typical love song formula of now I have found you and all my dreams will come true. Most people expect that now and that is why so many people don't last. It is not that our dreams cannot come true, but the individual person has to do that for his or her self - it is way too much of a burden to place that on another human. We want our partner to be superman or superwoman, a god or goddess, but at some point you are with someone long enough and you realize they are just a human being and you get really pissed off at them for that - but that is all we really are after the sex and projections wear off. You can keep on chasing your tail looking for the rush, but it won't happen with one person.
I know it is the greatest blessing to have loved ones in your life - especially since I spent a good portion of it alone - I realize that having a family, a wife - a person to come home to every day - no words can describe how beautiful that is. It is not the happily ever after described in fairy tales, but it is a beautiful thing anyways - it is just that some times I have to count my blessings and realize how good I in fact do have it when it is not going the way I want it to during a present conflict.
So - heading in another direction here, this is my last tune I put together yesterday - it is inspired by the sun setting - my favorite time of day:
The Witching Hour 7-06-07
This is the magical time when life in day mates with the black night death,
In sharp climactic heavy breaths of rainbow orange bursting out through the clouds
This is the beautiful time when the breeze flies out through the leaves,
Creates an enchanted musical piece, with branches dancing, swinging out so loud
This is the spirit’s time when the faces born from visions dance and speak,
Bursting out from the rocks, the plants and the trees, imagination dreams are real
This is the innocent time, when the thoughts from the ghosts come alive,
As they float toward the everlasting light, the time for broken hearts to mend and to heel
Now is the end of time when life and death meet up and collide, the groom embracing the spirit bride, walking hand in hand side by side
Now is the supernatural time when the goblins and banshees glide, on a broom through a black cloud to ride, with the full moon pouring through the flowing tide
Now is the all knowing time, when one mind reaches out and connects, to each and every one of all of the rest, to feel a part of the highest of all powers
Now is the sweetest of times, the enchanted possessed and blessed bewitching, this is the everlasting witching – this is the witching hour
This is the passionate time when all providing love consumes the air, a sweet seductive goddess shining fair, is so close surrounding everywhere
This is the satisfying time when the dream emerges without from within, I feel her start to arise then begin, to make the healing love to my dry skin
This is the happiest of times, when every wishful longing dream comes true, all I really have to do, is to reach in, summon, connect till I find you
This is the wedding time, when the spirit meets the earthbound flesh, no fears or worries, mind at rest - I know that as I pray here I am blessed
I let go to an open heart..
I let go of my broken dreams..I let go to the mystery
and I believe in the miracle..
I believe in the spiritual..
I believe in the one above..
I believe in the one I love
I think after listening to this Franti tune tons of times the last verse maybe "one of love" and not "one I love" - but either way, it is one of my favorite songs of his. The line about let go of a broken heart to an open heart, to me expresses a kind of death and re-birth that is necessary for self-growth. As a couple, we have experienced our own near death and coming back from it has made us stronger. I know I have been going overkill on quoting his stuff lately, but lyrically he seems to be the current artist who reflects my views on so many things lately.
Today is July 7 - meaning 11 years ago was the first date I had with my wife. Coincidentally, my parents birthdays and anniversary are around this time as well. I remember the awkward drive to Julian with Victoria, she was getting ready to move back to Chicago and I was telling her I would miss her when she went. back I tried to do a little singing in the forest for her, but we were covered with flies. She made the comment once that she must really trust me for me taking her off so far to the outskirts of San Diego, and her room-mate actually scolded her later. A lot of people do trust me instinctively - despite the Ted Bundy like personality I seem to have, most people seem to realize I am pretty non-threatening. We drew a Tarot card when she came back to my lovely little shack by Mission Bay, and for some reason that inspired her to ask me to hold her, which felt really nice - and our little smooch we had I will always remember. Something about being with her felt like being home - it did then, and it still does now.
So - needless to say - we have had our challenges, and still do. She is still talking about moving back to Chicago, and that issue has and never will be resolved. Depression hovers around us at times, and depression can be all-consuming. We are together now, but the future is uncertain - as it has been with us from the beginning. It is a day at a time now. We have had struggles with everything from intimacy to the conflicts about what the next project will be and the funds to do it - in other words - sex and money - the two number one topics couples fight about. In some ways we are complete opposites, and yet in some ways our minds connect and we can be completely on the same page. Both of the hormones are flying and affecting emotions as we approach the official mark of mid life, growing old, coming to terms with the fact that we aren't young any more, where we are going, and what we are doing. And of course- having a child with stomach and stress issues is always a challenge too - and by the way - the initial indication from this somewhat stressful procedure she had is that everything is seemingly normal - at least from a clinical point of view.
What I can really go into is my perspective here because even though I know her well, I can't read her mind either. I think if I had ever really decided to throw in the towel here, and say okay - you are right - we can't work this out - let's go our separate ways, we would not be together now. Yet somehow I have always believed in our relationship, and faith can be contagious. You can look at the glass half full or empty, and I am choosing half full - even though I could spend hours here dwelling on the half empty if I wanted to. I could provide a long list of my wife's character "flaws" if you want to call them that, things that rub me the wrong way about her, and I am sure she could double the list of mine in a heartbeat and we could spend hours telling the world about the crappy aspects of who each of us are.
But - we are human beings, and as Don Ruiz says - once we look inside past our own judgements and poisoned conditioning, we see we are perfect in our imperfection. I have spent a long time writing and singing about this re-programming - and it is no coincidence I am more at peace with myself than I have ever been. I am not going to tell you all the poison is out, but it is not as consuming as it once was. Sure I was pissed off when I couldn't hook up the new VCR/DVD - but in the past I would have been more so. This time I looked ahead and told myself - somehow it is going to be okay - and even though the combination of the heat outside and the environment of Hell Mart made me feel somewhat nauseous the last time I had to go into the place to figure this thing out, it did work out - and having a little faith goes a long way. This faith is something I have developed toward the latter part of my life, slowly but surely, and maybe in my case I have been lucky enough to grow a little wiser with age.
But this same faith applies to us. We hit a lot of bumps in the road in our relationship - that in the scheme of things are just that - bumps. You can choose to look at them as insurmountable obstacles, or you can say - we have come this far - and like the Beatles song says "We Can Work it Out". Part of it is past history - 2 1/2 years ago it was looking about as bleak as it ever has been, but we were lucky enough to hit the right therapist locally - and they can be hard to find here - who said the right words at the right time to bring us back together. So in my case, I do believe in a little bit of a team of destiny here because the odds are already against a couple lasting together 11 years.
The main thing I have learned is it is indeed a blessing to have a companion by your side - someone who has been there for more than a 1/4 of your life. Yet this companion cannot be the one to fulfill you and complete you on every level. If I don't feel loved, I can't rely on her to make me feel loved. That has to come from within first. I can't control how she may be feeling, she may be in the get away from me mode for reasons that are out of my control. But I can turn within to find a world of everything I have ever wanted and wished for. The answer is within and fulfillment must come there first. Once that happens, you can bring that to the table and build upon the foundation of a relationship with that. But if you are demanding completion and fulfillment from your partner on every level, it is the old sinking ship where you will just weigh it down and there will be nothing to hold it up. I have found it - through a lot of soul searching, music - songs like the one I am going to list at the end of this - that may seem kind of creepy to some more traditionally minded, but I have found them to be pretty inspiring myself. And once you find it, it does not just stay there, you have to keep working at it every day. Just like the Evan Almighty movie we saw on the 4th, once you pray for something it is just not a magical granting of a wish - you have to make it happen with the opportunity presente.d
What I like about the Franti song is it goes against the typical love song formula of now I have found you and all my dreams will come true. Most people expect that now and that is why so many people don't last. It is not that our dreams cannot come true, but the individual person has to do that for his or her self - it is way too much of a burden to place that on another human. We want our partner to be superman or superwoman, a god or goddess, but at some point you are with someone long enough and you realize they are just a human being and you get really pissed off at them for that - but that is all we really are after the sex and projections wear off. You can keep on chasing your tail looking for the rush, but it won't happen with one person.
I know it is the greatest blessing to have loved ones in your life - especially since I spent a good portion of it alone - I realize that having a family, a wife - a person to come home to every day - no words can describe how beautiful that is. It is not the happily ever after described in fairy tales, but it is a beautiful thing anyways - it is just that some times I have to count my blessings and realize how good I in fact do have it when it is not going the way I want it to during a present conflict.
So - heading in another direction here, this is my last tune I put together yesterday - it is inspired by the sun setting - my favorite time of day:
The Witching Hour 7-06-07
This is the magical time when life in day mates with the black night death,
In sharp climactic heavy breaths of rainbow orange bursting out through the clouds
This is the beautiful time when the breeze flies out through the leaves,
Creates an enchanted musical piece, with branches dancing, swinging out so loud
This is the spirit’s time when the faces born from visions dance and speak,
Bursting out from the rocks, the plants and the trees, imagination dreams are real
This is the innocent time, when the thoughts from the ghosts come alive,
As they float toward the everlasting light, the time for broken hearts to mend and to heel
Now is the end of time when life and death meet up and collide, the groom embracing the spirit bride, walking hand in hand side by side
Now is the supernatural time when the goblins and banshees glide, on a broom through a black cloud to ride, with the full moon pouring through the flowing tide
Now is the all knowing time, when one mind reaches out and connects, to each and every one of all of the rest, to feel a part of the highest of all powers
Now is the sweetest of times, the enchanted possessed and blessed bewitching, this is the everlasting witching – this is the witching hour
This is the passionate time when all providing love consumes the air, a sweet seductive goddess shining fair, is so close surrounding everywhere
This is the satisfying time when the dream emerges without from within, I feel her start to arise then begin, to make the healing love to my dry skin
This is the happiest of times, when every wishful longing dream comes true, all I really have to do, is to reach in, summon, connect till I find you
This is the wedding time, when the spirit meets the earthbound flesh, no fears or worries, mind at rest - I know that as I pray here I am blessed
posted by Zook at 7:50 AM
1 Comments:
Hey- i stumbled on this while googling the Franti song, which has been helping me through a rough spot in my relationship. I printed this and I'm going to show it to my husband. You write very well, and I got a lot out of this.
Thanks!
Post a Comment
<< Home