Have I offended someone?
Have I offended someone is a compilation of music by Frank Zappa - but also an interesting concept. How do you offend someone really - unless you reach a part of somebody that is already offensive - in that case isn't somebody really offending themselves on their own and using your words or actions as an excuse? That is my conclusion - and the reason I don't sweat it too much when I receive a complaint from someone I know. On a professional or business level, it is entirely a different matter - because on a professional level it is rare that I receive a complaint from anyone. In fact overall I am pretty well liked. But on a personal level, it can happen when I am not even trying or intending to.
I sent an e-mail reply to someone I know and this person complained to my wife that it was too business like. Okay...so I forgot to put a smiley face on it - did I do something wrong? Well - no - but it was perceived that way. Do I have any regrets that I didn't throw in more cheese and mush in the e-mail? No - sometimes I am just not in the mood for that. So I offended someone without trying there. I hate to say it, but as Pigpen once said, something to the effect that is your fault because it is none of mine. Maybe I am offending this person even more by writing this now.
Let's go to birthdays - to me a birthday was a big deal at age 10. Now it is just another day, a reminder that I am one day closer to being 6 feet under the clay with angels to lay me away. So I don't give it a lot of thought. The whole concept of a birthday, marking age by how many times the planet has gone around the sun, is somewhat arbitrary. So needless to say I did not keep score of those who told me happy birthday and those who did not. Some in my family did, some did not and I honestly have to scrape my memory to even remember which ones did or did not. I did not give it a lot of thought. Yet I was told I was making a statement by not remembering or honoring someone's birthday - and I get the feeling this person put a lot of effort into feeling shunned, disrespected or dis-honored for my oversight. In my mind - if there is too much of an effort going into something, I am not doing it. It has to happen naturally, otherwise it is forced. That is how I approach writing. Never mind that my daughter was screaming and flailing in a hospital recently and maybe I was pre-occupied. Some times I just don't think about it, have other things going on - and maybe if you think the world revolves around you only, you don't see where I am coming from. But low and behold, it was an oversight - not a "statement" of any, way shape or from. If everyone else you know remembered your b-day, you could look at the glass half full and be thankful for those who did remember, or go glass half empty and dwell on and focus on the one(s) who didn't. In that case, maybe you take every single action, or inaction as a slight or disrespect. Maybe in turn you are often disrespectful to others, as you feel it is your right, but you demand complete and utter respect from everyone in spite of that. In that case I would label you as impossible to please, and no matter what I do you are going to find something wrong with it. That being the case - why bother to try? So again - other than writing this out, I am not going to worry about it too much, because no matter what I do, it won't be good enough.
The reality is this - self-sacrifice is admirable in concept, but if you aren't somehow or another first fulfilling yourself it transforms into martyrdom and resentment. So if I am seen as a selfish bastard, maybe I need to be a little selfish before I can give back - after all - I can't give anything back if there is not first anything in my heart or soul to give. So these days, I am out to take care of myself, because nobody else is going to. I don't ask you to take care of me, and I probably coud not take care of you even if I wanted to. As far as my interaction with anybody, it is a clean slate - I owe you nothing, and likewise, you owe me nothing. Forget about the past - (I try to anyways) the past is gone - it is just now. Same applies to the future - it means nothing, we don't even know if we will be alive tomorrow. So I will not be "held hostage" as my manger used to say, to either one. It is just today - and today I need to take care of myself. I am not going to participate in an event that I know I will hate, because maybe others will be pleased to see me there. I need to play my music, pray, meditate, remind myself how much love is there around me - and work where I want to, and live where I want to. These are not luxuries, they are essential for my own survival and well being. Once I get my essentials met, then I can do the secondary sacrifices, take care of my family, be there as much as I can for my wife and daughter. Again - I am not chopping off my own head and moving to a place I will hate in the vain hope that others might be pleased by this - because I already know I belong here. If my wife does not belong here, she is free to go where she does. I really don't want her to leave, but I can't take it too personally if she does. We all have our path to follow, some times they converge, some times they separate. It may sound cold, but it is the way it is. Self de-capitation does not really accomplish anything.
So for those who are offended by what I have done in the past, may be offended by what I do in the future, and even those offended by what I am writing right now - I am quite sorry you feel that way, but what you see is what you get with me. I am who I am and I make no excuses for it. If you want to get along with me, that's great. Take me as I am, and I will do the same with you. Just don't ask me to accommodate any special requests, try to please you, or try to be a royal kiss ass about it - because it just isn't who I am. In return, you will know that when I say or do something for you, it came from my heart and did not come out of grudging obligation. What I am really isn't all that bad as far as I am concerned - and that really is what is important. As one of my favorite author says, I am the main character in my story, but just a projected supporting actor in yours. It really doesn't matter in the end what you think, because you are not even really seeing me to begin with. I wish I could take on the world and solve everyone else's problems, but these days it seems I have quite enough of my own to contend with:
You gotta live life for yourself
Can't live life for anyone else
You gotta live life, that's all you do
Nobody gonna live your life for you
I sent an e-mail reply to someone I know and this person complained to my wife that it was too business like. Okay...so I forgot to put a smiley face on it - did I do something wrong? Well - no - but it was perceived that way. Do I have any regrets that I didn't throw in more cheese and mush in the e-mail? No - sometimes I am just not in the mood for that. So I offended someone without trying there. I hate to say it, but as Pigpen once said, something to the effect that is your fault because it is none of mine. Maybe I am offending this person even more by writing this now.
Let's go to birthdays - to me a birthday was a big deal at age 10. Now it is just another day, a reminder that I am one day closer to being 6 feet under the clay with angels to lay me away. So I don't give it a lot of thought. The whole concept of a birthday, marking age by how many times the planet has gone around the sun, is somewhat arbitrary. So needless to say I did not keep score of those who told me happy birthday and those who did not. Some in my family did, some did not and I honestly have to scrape my memory to even remember which ones did or did not. I did not give it a lot of thought. Yet I was told I was making a statement by not remembering or honoring someone's birthday - and I get the feeling this person put a lot of effort into feeling shunned, disrespected or dis-honored for my oversight. In my mind - if there is too much of an effort going into something, I am not doing it. It has to happen naturally, otherwise it is forced. That is how I approach writing. Never mind that my daughter was screaming and flailing in a hospital recently and maybe I was pre-occupied. Some times I just don't think about it, have other things going on - and maybe if you think the world revolves around you only, you don't see where I am coming from. But low and behold, it was an oversight - not a "statement" of any, way shape or from. If everyone else you know remembered your b-day, you could look at the glass half full and be thankful for those who did remember, or go glass half empty and dwell on and focus on the one(s) who didn't. In that case, maybe you take every single action, or inaction as a slight or disrespect. Maybe in turn you are often disrespectful to others, as you feel it is your right, but you demand complete and utter respect from everyone in spite of that. In that case I would label you as impossible to please, and no matter what I do you are going to find something wrong with it. That being the case - why bother to try? So again - other than writing this out, I am not going to worry about it too much, because no matter what I do, it won't be good enough.
The reality is this - self-sacrifice is admirable in concept, but if you aren't somehow or another first fulfilling yourself it transforms into martyrdom and resentment. So if I am seen as a selfish bastard, maybe I need to be a little selfish before I can give back - after all - I can't give anything back if there is not first anything in my heart or soul to give. So these days, I am out to take care of myself, because nobody else is going to. I don't ask you to take care of me, and I probably coud not take care of you even if I wanted to. As far as my interaction with anybody, it is a clean slate - I owe you nothing, and likewise, you owe me nothing. Forget about the past - (I try to anyways) the past is gone - it is just now. Same applies to the future - it means nothing, we don't even know if we will be alive tomorrow. So I will not be "held hostage" as my manger used to say, to either one. It is just today - and today I need to take care of myself. I am not going to participate in an event that I know I will hate, because maybe others will be pleased to see me there. I need to play my music, pray, meditate, remind myself how much love is there around me - and work where I want to, and live where I want to. These are not luxuries, they are essential for my own survival and well being. Once I get my essentials met, then I can do the secondary sacrifices, take care of my family, be there as much as I can for my wife and daughter. Again - I am not chopping off my own head and moving to a place I will hate in the vain hope that others might be pleased by this - because I already know I belong here. If my wife does not belong here, she is free to go where she does. I really don't want her to leave, but I can't take it too personally if she does. We all have our path to follow, some times they converge, some times they separate. It may sound cold, but it is the way it is. Self de-capitation does not really accomplish anything.
So for those who are offended by what I have done in the past, may be offended by what I do in the future, and even those offended by what I am writing right now - I am quite sorry you feel that way, but what you see is what you get with me. I am who I am and I make no excuses for it. If you want to get along with me, that's great. Take me as I am, and I will do the same with you. Just don't ask me to accommodate any special requests, try to please you, or try to be a royal kiss ass about it - because it just isn't who I am. In return, you will know that when I say or do something for you, it came from my heart and did not come out of grudging obligation. What I am really isn't all that bad as far as I am concerned - and that really is what is important. As one of my favorite author says, I am the main character in my story, but just a projected supporting actor in yours. It really doesn't matter in the end what you think, because you are not even really seeing me to begin with. I wish I could take on the world and solve everyone else's problems, but these days it seems I have quite enough of my own to contend with:
You gotta live life for yourself
Can't live life for anyone else
You gotta live life, that's all you do
Nobody gonna live your life for you
posted by Zook at 4:28 PM
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