Is it me for a moment?
(from Quadrophenia)
My wife suggested yesterday after reading some of these posts (she does not see all of them) that I come across like some kind of sage and living with me and knowing me for the person I REALLY am she finds it a little bit deceiving. Fair enough. I write this knowing other people are reading it, so I do not entirely let loose. I do hold back. I do not share every sexual thought that enters my mind here, in fact I stay away from that subject just about altogether. It does not mean I do not have them (constantly and 24 hours a day for the record) but I just don't see any point in getting into it here. Some of my writings (including the song that I posted reflecting on my past upbringing that caused such an uproar with an elderly member of my family) are indeed pretty dark, reflecting the dark mind that writes them. Those dark thoughts are still present, but I just don't dwell on them here. For one thing I don't want anyone calling the police, but for another - that is just what they are - thoughts, nothing more. It does not make me a psychopathic killer or a danagerous person - although admittedly - there have been times in the past I have been perceived as such. Other than having a hole in the back of my wall, and not always the most pleasant tone or volume of voice at times, I have never really comitted any type of violent act (against another living being anyway) and probably never will. It does not mean the darkness is still not present - because it is. I just do my best to not let it take hold of me, to rebel against the parasite as Ruiz talks about in his book. It is there, and a part of me, but not all of me.
So if some of this stuff may come across as a little idealistic and unrealistic, maybe it is. For me the purpose of my art - writing, many of the songs and words on here, is to try to present a higher ideal - to know it is there - and then try to live up to it. I may fail at times, but it is something to strive for and hopefully at times I will be closer to it than further away. Yesterday I was pretty down and out - maybe the let down from working a long week of driving all over the place - so maybe I was further away yesterday. Now that I have San Diego KSDS gospel music streaming in from the internet - maybe I am a little closer. It varies from moment to moment.
So which me is the real me - the dark side I referenced earlier, or the light "sage" like writings presented here - the answer is "the truth lies somewhere in between".
My wife suggested yesterday after reading some of these posts (she does not see all of them) that I come across like some kind of sage and living with me and knowing me for the person I REALLY am she finds it a little bit deceiving. Fair enough. I write this knowing other people are reading it, so I do not entirely let loose. I do hold back. I do not share every sexual thought that enters my mind here, in fact I stay away from that subject just about altogether. It does not mean I do not have them (constantly and 24 hours a day for the record) but I just don't see any point in getting into it here. Some of my writings (including the song that I posted reflecting on my past upbringing that caused such an uproar with an elderly member of my family) are indeed pretty dark, reflecting the dark mind that writes them. Those dark thoughts are still present, but I just don't dwell on them here. For one thing I don't want anyone calling the police, but for another - that is just what they are - thoughts, nothing more. It does not make me a psychopathic killer or a danagerous person - although admittedly - there have been times in the past I have been perceived as such. Other than having a hole in the back of my wall, and not always the most pleasant tone or volume of voice at times, I have never really comitted any type of violent act (against another living being anyway) and probably never will. It does not mean the darkness is still not present - because it is. I just do my best to not let it take hold of me, to rebel against the parasite as Ruiz talks about in his book. It is there, and a part of me, but not all of me.
So if some of this stuff may come across as a little idealistic and unrealistic, maybe it is. For me the purpose of my art - writing, many of the songs and words on here, is to try to present a higher ideal - to know it is there - and then try to live up to it. I may fail at times, but it is something to strive for and hopefully at times I will be closer to it than further away. Yesterday I was pretty down and out - maybe the let down from working a long week of driving all over the place - so maybe I was further away yesterday. Now that I have San Diego KSDS gospel music streaming in from the internet - maybe I am a little closer. It varies from moment to moment.
So which me is the real me - the dark side I referenced earlier, or the light "sage" like writings presented here - the answer is "the truth lies somewhere in between".
posted by Zook at 6:39 AM
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