Monday, November 14, 2005

I heard a voice telling me to flee, the very same voice I always believe

(from the JG song "Gomorrah")

I had my very own Gomorrah situation of my own this year, but that is another story.

I haven't heard voices in the traditional sense of the word (with the exception of instances such as the one that resulted at my parents spontaneously meeting me in the middle of the night after a Grateful Dead concert in 1987 at Irvine) - that is to say - in my normal waking sober state, I have never heard any voice except ones that are "really there" so to speak. But - I have heard intuitive voices in my head, not heard in the traditional sense - like with my ears - but I have "heard" them in my mind, and whether it is the voice of God, my subconscious mind - both - or neither, whatever the rational explanation is - these voices tend to usually be pretty profound and intuitive guides that help me through my normal waking state often dominated by doubt, anxiety, insecurity, and self-hatred. In other words - these voices tend to be the voice of reason in an often dark and stuck mindset. These have led to my creative moments - song and lyric writing, insights. Maybe they are what have gotten me through. Even in the darkest depths of my depression, I somehow came up with my Reaching for the Sky words and song - which I still sing to this day, a good 20 years after writing it.

So - low and behold - my daughter Sara reports to hearing them - but according to her - they are not in her head - she really hears them calling her, and turns around and no-one is there. Now it is no secret that there a documented history of mental instability in my family (that being the one I was born into). The family records are lacking on one side of the family more than the other, but suffice it to say everyone in my family - myself included - has exhibited signs of mental health issues at one time or another. Now according to a website I came across, hearing voices does not imply schizophrenia. In fact these voices as I described in my first paragraph - can be very helpful. They are a gift to a certain degree, and we are all gifted but somewhat mentally ill in my family.

So - before you lock my daughter in whatever category you want to come up with, I say - that what may look like a curse to some, is a blessing to others. One man gathers what another man spills (to plagiarize a well known Dead song).

Speaking of blessings - I can count mine. This drain leak was a major anxiety producing pain in the ass, but thanks to kava, the anxiety did not get too far out of control, and one of our ex-neighbors has been a Godsend in helping us get the shot drain pipe fixed and diagnosing the problem. Yes Mr. Liver - the power company is coming out tomorrow (disappointed you could not have been hear yourself on the behalf of Edison, but I know you are a busy dude) and where houses in New Orleans had 8 feet of standing water, we had one heavy duty concentration in one spot - which although disruptive, is manageable and our electrical problems (first clue was Sara and the dog getting shocks while walking in from the sliding glass door) have not burned our house down.

We may not be winning any popularity contests here in redneck - go to praise the lord hallelulah Jesus church or be ostracized Dayton, but we are a great team here within these 4 walls and that to me matters more than anything.

(the full song lyrics composed by Robert Hunter)

Gomorrah

Just a song of Gomorrah, I wonder what they did there
Must've been a bad thing to get shot down for
I wonder how they blew it up or if they burned it down
Get out, get out Mr. Lot and don't you turn around.

Who gave you your orders, someone from the sky
I heard a voice inside my head in the desert wind so dry
I heard a voice tellin' me to flee the very same voice I always believe
Say alot of trouble comin', but it don't have to come to you
I'm telling you so you can tell the rest what you've been through.

But don't you turn around, no, don't look after you
It's not your business how it's done, you're lucky to get through
You're a good upstanding man, a credit to the flock
But if you don't face straight ahead you could not take the shock
Blew the city off the man, left nothing there but fire
The wife of Lot got turned to salt, because she looked behind her.

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