All these trials, will soon be past - show me something built to last
from "Built to Last"
This morning I was thinking about my past relationships - thinking about one of my ex-girlfriends name Bridget - but mainly pondering - why is it that I have had one relationship that lasted almost 10 years straight - the one I am in now - where before that they never lasted more than a year, and mostly only a few months? (Never mind that the end has always appeared to be around the corner here, - the fact is that corner has never actually arrived)
Is it that Victoria is that much of a glutton for punishment that she has been able to put up with me all these years? Well honestly - the answer to that question has to be yes in part. It took a certain element of desperation for any woman to move into my Lehigh shack in San Diego - being the pit that it was, which was why I proudly serenaded her with "Like a Rolling Stone" when she first moved in.
There was something different about her I sensed from the beginning, while at the same time - it was deja vu all over again. For that sense of chemistry to exist, beyond the raw physical attraction - there has to be a certain personality type - and it is no secret that I have always been drawn to troubled women with personality issues (although we are all troubled to some degree in my experience). What is unique about Victoria is that through all of her troubles and personality demons there is an amazing strength in her. I also like that unlike some women I have come across, who absolutely refuse to look into themselves or go into therapy, she has been willing to do that as well. That is why I can agree with her and in her saying that this is the best f---ed up relationship I have ever been in. There is a method to the madness, an anchor to the instability, a foundation to the insanity - where in the past, it was just the first without the second and nothing could hold it together.
I also have to credit her for letting me get out of my system certain things I had to do when I first met her - like fly off and see my Phish concerts, which turned out to be my nicotine patch for all of my Grateful Dead shows, and also see all my sports events in San Diego - Chargers and Padre games. Somehow after getting that out of my system, I have lost interest in doing anything like that any more. Sure it helps that Phish has broken up and there are no real sports events around the Reno area of interest, but other than playing a little bit of guitar - which is still essential for me, I don't need to do anything that really involves being away from the family. I want to be around her and Sara, not away from them. A guy at the gym talked to me about how when you get older, you can't wait to get away from your wife for the weekend, and the guy I work with said the same thing about wanting to take fishing trips, or journeys to another country away from his wife - and honestly I can't relate - I want to be around her as much as I can. But I did have to get the other stuff out of my system first. I know - we did not do as much as a couple at the beginning - we both had plenty of time to ourselves, but I am glad she had the patience to realize it was what I had to do, rather than try to control me and resent me for it - which was what usually came up with the past girlfriends.
I am one of those people who like to be in the same relationship. Not everyone does - some are programmed to alternate between being alone or going from person to person, to chase that initial high of a relationship that always wears off - and my lifestyle may seem incredibly boring to some, but it works for me. I see every day as being the possible last day of my life so that I can appreciate my loved ones around me, since I believe the worst thing to do is take them for granted. And - all the struggles we have been through seem to have made us stronger as a whole since they have not been able to kill us. No - I am not going to expend a big thank you to the personal parties out there who brought us to the edge of the cliff - since that cliff edge is not a place I particularly enjoyed being at or wish to return to. But I can say now that I am on the land and not the air side of the cliff that ultimately it did help us in the end - that point of no return can really put things in perspective (or "too much fu--ing perspective" as Spinal Tap says).
Finally - at the risk of being a kiss ass - since you know I will be reading this to her - I think my wife is a great person - one of those one in a million types - and I credit her - as well as myself - for sticking with this - and making this something built to last. To anyone reading this who may be at that familiar cliff edge I am talking about - just know - there is light at the end of the tunnel if you can stick with it - but both people need to be willing to make the change.
This morning I was thinking about my past relationships - thinking about one of my ex-girlfriends name Bridget - but mainly pondering - why is it that I have had one relationship that lasted almost 10 years straight - the one I am in now - where before that they never lasted more than a year, and mostly only a few months? (Never mind that the end has always appeared to be around the corner here, - the fact is that corner has never actually arrived)
Is it that Victoria is that much of a glutton for punishment that she has been able to put up with me all these years? Well honestly - the answer to that question has to be yes in part. It took a certain element of desperation for any woman to move into my Lehigh shack in San Diego - being the pit that it was, which was why I proudly serenaded her with "Like a Rolling Stone" when she first moved in.
There was something different about her I sensed from the beginning, while at the same time - it was deja vu all over again. For that sense of chemistry to exist, beyond the raw physical attraction - there has to be a certain personality type - and it is no secret that I have always been drawn to troubled women with personality issues (although we are all troubled to some degree in my experience). What is unique about Victoria is that through all of her troubles and personality demons there is an amazing strength in her. I also like that unlike some women I have come across, who absolutely refuse to look into themselves or go into therapy, she has been willing to do that as well. That is why I can agree with her and in her saying that this is the best f---ed up relationship I have ever been in. There is a method to the madness, an anchor to the instability, a foundation to the insanity - where in the past, it was just the first without the second and nothing could hold it together.
I also have to credit her for letting me get out of my system certain things I had to do when I first met her - like fly off and see my Phish concerts, which turned out to be my nicotine patch for all of my Grateful Dead shows, and also see all my sports events in San Diego - Chargers and Padre games. Somehow after getting that out of my system, I have lost interest in doing anything like that any more. Sure it helps that Phish has broken up and there are no real sports events around the Reno area of interest, but other than playing a little bit of guitar - which is still essential for me, I don't need to do anything that really involves being away from the family. I want to be around her and Sara, not away from them. A guy at the gym talked to me about how when you get older, you can't wait to get away from your wife for the weekend, and the guy I work with said the same thing about wanting to take fishing trips, or journeys to another country away from his wife - and honestly I can't relate - I want to be around her as much as I can. But I did have to get the other stuff out of my system first. I know - we did not do as much as a couple at the beginning - we both had plenty of time to ourselves, but I am glad she had the patience to realize it was what I had to do, rather than try to control me and resent me for it - which was what usually came up with the past girlfriends.
I am one of those people who like to be in the same relationship. Not everyone does - some are programmed to alternate between being alone or going from person to person, to chase that initial high of a relationship that always wears off - and my lifestyle may seem incredibly boring to some, but it works for me. I see every day as being the possible last day of my life so that I can appreciate my loved ones around me, since I believe the worst thing to do is take them for granted. And - all the struggles we have been through seem to have made us stronger as a whole since they have not been able to kill us. No - I am not going to expend a big thank you to the personal parties out there who brought us to the edge of the cliff - since that cliff edge is not a place I particularly enjoyed being at or wish to return to. But I can say now that I am on the land and not the air side of the cliff that ultimately it did help us in the end - that point of no return can really put things in perspective (or "too much fu--ing perspective" as Spinal Tap says).
Finally - at the risk of being a kiss ass - since you know I will be reading this to her - I think my wife is a great person - one of those one in a million types - and I credit her - as well as myself - for sticking with this - and making this something built to last. To anyone reading this who may be at that familiar cliff edge I am talking about - just know - there is light at the end of the tunnel if you can stick with it - but both people need to be willing to make the change.
posted by Zook at 6:46 AM
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