But I sure got some powerful pills
oh yeah
This song was written by Trey Anastasio of Phish, and if you link his name there, you can see that he was arrested for the very powerful pills he referenced in his Fluffhead song, and if you are so inclined, double clicking on the top two words here you can see those words as well. One of my favorite political reggae performers, Michael Franti, references "TV commercials for a popping pill culture, Drug companies circling like a vulture" in his title song of Yellfire. We live in a culture where pills are a very strong part of our lives. Some people need to take their pills to stay alive, due to heart disease, cancer, and other life threatening ailments. My focus on this rant is an issue that hits pretty close to home, both in my life, and now in the life of my child - and that would be psychiatric medication. To double back to my often repeated story of my depression I experienced at the age of around 19 to 20, it became an issue when I was told that I had a chemical imbalance that required medication. My shrink put me on lithium, at a somewhat questionable part of the bipolar cycle, since I was pretty far down at that point - but I did what I was told and I did get over my depression pretty quickly and I took lithium for a couple more years, approximately. It was pretty much implied that I needed to take it for the rest of my life, but against the advice of my psychiatric advisor, I went off of it on my own. Other than an occasional xanax or kava for anxiety (it has been almost 10 years since I have taken anything other than kava for it), I have lived my life mostly medication free, and have also given up alcohol and marijuana which I once used as a form of what is known as "self-medication". Probably just about every one of the White family children has taken some form of medication at one time or another.
My personal feeling about psychiatric medication is this - you take it if you absolutely have to - and if you don't have to, don't. My threshold is as follows - if you can function in society in the role placed upon you, student, employee, whatever that role means - than if there is a way not to take it, refrain. I believe that the culture described in Michael Franti's lyrics has gone to the extreme of over-medicating, often at the expense of our bodies and profit of the drug companies, and I think it is a dangerous trend. In its extreme, it almost suggests that any emotion to an extreme is not acceptable, and that we are to (as one of my friends once used this phrase) turn to an "emotional lobotomy" at the first sign of trouble. I believe that to experience a healthy state of mind and to heal any lurking demons that may be present, that access is needed to a full range of emotions, and although given the choice I would just aim for the summer time highs when I am outside playing my guitar, I also realize that the winter time grief and mourning I experience, something that came out in full force on a spring day yesterday - so certainly not limited to the winter, is in fact an equally necessary part of my existence. If we can practice the Buddhist meditational advice of detaching from emotions, and not getting too attached to any of them, than they can pass by without harming us. Positive and negative emotions can be harmful if you get too attached to either of them. I have been blessed with the ability to write and compose music that in its purest form can serve as my own medication. I have seen it work, I know it works, and I will go so far as to say that without it I would have never reached the place in my life where I have a good career at a good company, and can support my family here. (This is my first official comment on my new job, I don't want to give out names, be it good or bad, but it has been quite clear over the last 3 months that this job has been a huge improvement over my last one.)
When I saw my last therapist, I told her of my history and she strongly recommended I go back on medication. Although I appreciated her input, I explained why I chose not to do this and at one point I believed I actually saw her eyes water because she was inspired by my approach to life. One of my (so called) friends (ex-girlfriend) has told me to go on it as this is the only way she functions - and she barely does function even with them. This works for me - for now anyways - because even when I am pretty emotional, to the point where I feel like crying or feel very sad, I can still keep it together and hold my job, and still do a good job. I will always keep that threshold in mind though, if I ever reach the point where that is not the case, I am open to taking it again. Hopefully that never happens, but who can really say what the future will bring.
That being said, I now go the experience of my daughter. To recap, her stomach symptoms last year placed her in the emergency room two nights, and the hospital an additional two nights and days, and it was a nightmare for all of us - particularly for her, but really for all of us as well. The endoscopy ruled out any biological condition, and the allergist ruled out allergies, and now it is clear to us that all of her symptoms are part of a stress syndrome, and they are almost textbook. I got a book called "Kid Stress" which spells out all symptoms she has experienced: stomach pain, nausea, chest pain, headaches. She even worked herself into a fever and I had to pick her up from school, and when she got home, the symptoms were gone. This is not all traced to one particular incident as we once suspected, there is no one interaction with a friend of hers that this all falls upon, but a cumulation of many incidents combined. Possibly these were fears that she picked up from her mother while in the womb, or maybe a combination of the two fearful personalities of her Mom and Dad. We are both her parents, and despite her having more of my personality apparently, we are both a big part of who she is - with 50% of her genetics coming from each one of us. She came into this world in fear, she has picked up a lot of our fears, and now her fears are causing very painful symptoms to the point where she can barely be in school due to all of her symptoms getting out of control.
So - crossing the threshold I once mentioned earlier, in my mind, I have to reluctantly admit that my 8 year old daughter needs psychiatric medication. It is not my first choice, but at this point it has gotten so extreme that I don't see any other alternative. I don't see how she can stay in school as long as she experiences this illness. With me, it was a somewhat temporary experience, and it is my hope that it is also temporary for her. I also hope that she can draw from my own ability to use mental states of calming and spirituality to eventually reach the point where this can happen drug free. Until then, unfortunately, this path is the one we must choose. It probably goes without saying that this continues to be difficult for all of us, and if anyone in my family, or family of friends, happens to be reading this and wants to offer their good wishes and support, it would be very much appreciated. Thanks.
This song was written by Trey Anastasio of Phish, and if you link his name there, you can see that he was arrested for the very powerful pills he referenced in his Fluffhead song, and if you are so inclined, double clicking on the top two words here you can see those words as well. One of my favorite political reggae performers, Michael Franti, references "TV commercials for a popping pill culture, Drug companies circling like a vulture" in his title song of Yellfire. We live in a culture where pills are a very strong part of our lives. Some people need to take their pills to stay alive, due to heart disease, cancer, and other life threatening ailments. My focus on this rant is an issue that hits pretty close to home, both in my life, and now in the life of my child - and that would be psychiatric medication. To double back to my often repeated story of my depression I experienced at the age of around 19 to 20, it became an issue when I was told that I had a chemical imbalance that required medication. My shrink put me on lithium, at a somewhat questionable part of the bipolar cycle, since I was pretty far down at that point - but I did what I was told and I did get over my depression pretty quickly and I took lithium for a couple more years, approximately. It was pretty much implied that I needed to take it for the rest of my life, but against the advice of my psychiatric advisor, I went off of it on my own. Other than an occasional xanax or kava for anxiety (it has been almost 10 years since I have taken anything other than kava for it), I have lived my life mostly medication free, and have also given up alcohol and marijuana which I once used as a form of what is known as "self-medication". Probably just about every one of the White family children has taken some form of medication at one time or another.
My personal feeling about psychiatric medication is this - you take it if you absolutely have to - and if you don't have to, don't. My threshold is as follows - if you can function in society in the role placed upon you, student, employee, whatever that role means - than if there is a way not to take it, refrain. I believe that the culture described in Michael Franti's lyrics has gone to the extreme of over-medicating, often at the expense of our bodies and profit of the drug companies, and I think it is a dangerous trend. In its extreme, it almost suggests that any emotion to an extreme is not acceptable, and that we are to (as one of my friends once used this phrase) turn to an "emotional lobotomy" at the first sign of trouble. I believe that to experience a healthy state of mind and to heal any lurking demons that may be present, that access is needed to a full range of emotions, and although given the choice I would just aim for the summer time highs when I am outside playing my guitar, I also realize that the winter time grief and mourning I experience, something that came out in full force on a spring day yesterday - so certainly not limited to the winter, is in fact an equally necessary part of my existence. If we can practice the Buddhist meditational advice of detaching from emotions, and not getting too attached to any of them, than they can pass by without harming us. Positive and negative emotions can be harmful if you get too attached to either of them. I have been blessed with the ability to write and compose music that in its purest form can serve as my own medication. I have seen it work, I know it works, and I will go so far as to say that without it I would have never reached the place in my life where I have a good career at a good company, and can support my family here. (This is my first official comment on my new job, I don't want to give out names, be it good or bad, but it has been quite clear over the last 3 months that this job has been a huge improvement over my last one.)
When I saw my last therapist, I told her of my history and she strongly recommended I go back on medication. Although I appreciated her input, I explained why I chose not to do this and at one point I believed I actually saw her eyes water because she was inspired by my approach to life. One of my (so called) friends (ex-girlfriend) has told me to go on it as this is the only way she functions - and she barely does function even with them. This works for me - for now anyways - because even when I am pretty emotional, to the point where I feel like crying or feel very sad, I can still keep it together and hold my job, and still do a good job. I will always keep that threshold in mind though, if I ever reach the point where that is not the case, I am open to taking it again. Hopefully that never happens, but who can really say what the future will bring.
That being said, I now go the experience of my daughter. To recap, her stomach symptoms last year placed her in the emergency room two nights, and the hospital an additional two nights and days, and it was a nightmare for all of us - particularly for her, but really for all of us as well. The endoscopy ruled out any biological condition, and the allergist ruled out allergies, and now it is clear to us that all of her symptoms are part of a stress syndrome, and they are almost textbook. I got a book called "Kid Stress" which spells out all symptoms she has experienced: stomach pain, nausea, chest pain, headaches. She even worked herself into a fever and I had to pick her up from school, and when she got home, the symptoms were gone. This is not all traced to one particular incident as we once suspected, there is no one interaction with a friend of hers that this all falls upon, but a cumulation of many incidents combined. Possibly these were fears that she picked up from her mother while in the womb, or maybe a combination of the two fearful personalities of her Mom and Dad. We are both her parents, and despite her having more of my personality apparently, we are both a big part of who she is - with 50% of her genetics coming from each one of us. She came into this world in fear, she has picked up a lot of our fears, and now her fears are causing very painful symptoms to the point where she can barely be in school due to all of her symptoms getting out of control.
So - crossing the threshold I once mentioned earlier, in my mind, I have to reluctantly admit that my 8 year old daughter needs psychiatric medication. It is not my first choice, but at this point it has gotten so extreme that I don't see any other alternative. I don't see how she can stay in school as long as she experiences this illness. With me, it was a somewhat temporary experience, and it is my hope that it is also temporary for her. I also hope that she can draw from my own ability to use mental states of calming and spirituality to eventually reach the point where this can happen drug free. Until then, unfortunately, this path is the one we must choose. It probably goes without saying that this continues to be difficult for all of us, and if anyone in my family, or family of friends, happens to be reading this and wants to offer their good wishes and support, it would be very much appreciated. Thanks.
posted by Zook at 9:57 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home