Blood on the rise it's following me
Theres blood in the streets, its up to my ankles She came
Theres blood on the streets, its up to my knee She came
Blood on the streets in the town of chicago She came
Blood on the rise, its following me
Think about the break of day
She came and then she drove away Sunlight in her hair She came
Blood in the streets runs a river of sadness
Okay - time to go topical - obviously we had one of the bloodiest events in our history happen - so I guess I got to join the millions of bloggers who discuss this. Unlike some who might focus on whether V-tech authorities screwed up, whether or not guns should be so available (Bowling for Columbine already covered that pretty well in my opinion) - really the psychological aspect of the ordeal is what interests me. My approach might be a little bit out there, but no need to call the police - I am not planning on hurting anyone - the only one I have ever tried to hurt is myself, and if it ever got back down to that dark place, that is the only person I would ever intend to - but all the same - as crazy at it sounds - I can relate to the killer to a degree. Reading the writings of Jim Morrison above - and some of his stuff - like Celebration of the Lizard - was far more out there than that - if the warning sign threshold was a matter of writings of violence, than they should have locked him up too. Like a newspaper article says, half of Hollywood writers would be arrested if the thoughts on paper alone were the threshold of a prediction of violence. Some of my earlier writings are full or rage, violence and despair, not at all the happy new age spiritual cheese-head guru type that I am now.
The killers at Columbine and Cho have something in common - they were outcasts in a society where survival of the fittest prevails, and the folks at the bottom of the pecking order are left to fend for themselves. Us outcasts are ostracized, picked on, humiliated, beat up and the scars last a long time. Although I did not get too much of the physical assault at school that these guys did, I know what it felt like to be rejected, not part of the popular group, looked down upon and I know how these guys can feel so hopeless and angry that they want to strike back in a violent manner upon the people who did this to them. We live in a cruel world, where racism and brutality are a part of life in all classes of society. Apparently the Mexicans and the white folks are fighting it out at a school near where I live, to the point that the Latinos are going to go to private school. Our daughter - as mentioned before - is dealing with bullies, and she is having stomach problems as a result. The schools look the other way, maybe they are understaffed, don't have the resources or priorities to deal with this - and then when these things happen, it to me demonstrates that our priorities are not where they are supposed to be. Psychological ailments should not be looked down upon, mental health should be available to all as it is in some countries, but where we live, we spend billions of dollars to chase our tails fighting terrorism, while here within our own borders, mentally ill people walk the streets in despair because the hospitals kick them out into the streets due to lack of government funding. Our country does a great job for those in power, and the privileged, but for those at the bottom - it is either screw you, or we can throw you in prison when you become too much of a problem. It seems like prevention is the best cure, and even Cho in his ranting diatribe said there were many opportunities to prevent this that were never taken. It only takes something like this to get everyone's attention, and even then people still seem to miss the point altogether.
I also find it interesting how - as tragic as it may be that 33 people died - that we seem to set a new bar when it is one of "our" guys. On the lower page of the newspaper, there is a blurb that almost 200 people died in a suicide bombing in Iraq, but that is "over there" and not one of our people, nobody cares, and it almost seems to have a racist tone to me. When a group of Americans die, than it becomes national news, Nancy Grace runs out to broadcast in tears at the scene of the crime, and then people pay attention. In my mind we are all human beings - so shouldn't we be equally outraged when people die of starvation, brutality, and violence - everywhere - not just here?? Where are the troops in Darfur where genocide is taking place? Not part of the war on terror - so just let 'em die I guess.
Our society is not based on compassion, helping the poor, the helpless, the homeless, the ones that do fall through the cracks. Especially the "conservative" elements, it is the notion of I scored, I got lucky, here is my little piece of wealth, don't raise my taxes, don't ask for any help from me, let me load up on guns in case any of you trespass on my property - I am an island, and screw you. That works great if we are all islands, but in my mind we are all interdependent, we are one human organism - and if one part of the organism is sick, than we all are. It is in the best interests of that organism for all portions of it to be healthy. That is where - in my mind - our society is all messed up. We only care about our own families, our own selves, our own well being - and all the TV can tell us is that the more shit we accumulate, the happier we are going to be. And yet as one of the world's wealthiest peoples, we don't seem all that happy to me at all. These events to me reveal the denial we are all in, the sickness that our society is embedded in - when one of us is sick, we all are, when a group of us dies, a part of all of us dies - especially when the media runs images of violence into the ground.
What separates me from a mass murderer? I have a faith in a higher power, I believe in karma, despite all the unresolved rage and anger that still lurks in my psyche, and unfortunately it is not all gone, my own experience has led me to believe that I am a part of something greater. Were it not for a few twists of fate, I could have been just a lost as one of them, in a mental institution, in prison, or dead from drug abuse. Don't let my professional face fool you, I am far from healed, even though I support our family and do my job quite well. Inside me, all it takes is a note from a member of my family to tell me about an upcoming event that I have no interest in participating in, and all of those dormant feelings start to rise again - rage, anxiety amongst them. Where Ram Daas once said in one of his books that he thrived on the feelings of conflict that came up with his family, I do not thrive at all - all it does is bring me back to feeling 20 years old again - and the potential to sink right back into that black hole - as a result - is very real. It is all hanging by a thread even now to some degree, and just to placate others and put my own feelings on the back burner is re-living a pattern of passive aggressiveness that led to my collapse to begin with. It may be selfish and going against some of the ideals I discussed earlier, but taking care of my psyche to keep myself afloat really is my priority. It is a miracle that I have come to the point where I am, but there is nothing saying that I cannot fall back into the depths of despair that I once lived, and because I have a wife and child to take care of, I simply have to do everything in my power to keep that from happening, even if a couple people are highly offended and upset as a result of that.
Meanwhile - my heart goes out to those that died on Monday - all of them - even the killer - they were all victims of the same sickness as far as I can see. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to be the parents of one of those kids who was shot in the head. I just hope that we can learn something from this, but I remain skeptical. Columbine was not too long ago, and other than a bunch of lawyers who walked away with a truck load of money, as will happen again, I am not really convinced that anything has changed. And if nothing changes, all the laws and reform in the world will not keep this from happening again.
Theres blood on the streets, its up to my knee She came
Blood on the streets in the town of chicago She came
Blood on the rise, its following me
Think about the break of day
She came and then she drove away Sunlight in her hair She came
Blood in the streets runs a river of sadness
Okay - time to go topical - obviously we had one of the bloodiest events in our history happen - so I guess I got to join the millions of bloggers who discuss this. Unlike some who might focus on whether V-tech authorities screwed up, whether or not guns should be so available (Bowling for Columbine already covered that pretty well in my opinion) - really the psychological aspect of the ordeal is what interests me. My approach might be a little bit out there, but no need to call the police - I am not planning on hurting anyone - the only one I have ever tried to hurt is myself, and if it ever got back down to that dark place, that is the only person I would ever intend to - but all the same - as crazy at it sounds - I can relate to the killer to a degree. Reading the writings of Jim Morrison above - and some of his stuff - like Celebration of the Lizard - was far more out there than that - if the warning sign threshold was a matter of writings of violence, than they should have locked him up too. Like a newspaper article says, half of Hollywood writers would be arrested if the thoughts on paper alone were the threshold of a prediction of violence. Some of my earlier writings are full or rage, violence and despair, not at all the happy new age spiritual cheese-head guru type that I am now.
The killers at Columbine and Cho have something in common - they were outcasts in a society where survival of the fittest prevails, and the folks at the bottom of the pecking order are left to fend for themselves. Us outcasts are ostracized, picked on, humiliated, beat up and the scars last a long time. Although I did not get too much of the physical assault at school that these guys did, I know what it felt like to be rejected, not part of the popular group, looked down upon and I know how these guys can feel so hopeless and angry that they want to strike back in a violent manner upon the people who did this to them. We live in a cruel world, where racism and brutality are a part of life in all classes of society. Apparently the Mexicans and the white folks are fighting it out at a school near where I live, to the point that the Latinos are going to go to private school. Our daughter - as mentioned before - is dealing with bullies, and she is having stomach problems as a result. The schools look the other way, maybe they are understaffed, don't have the resources or priorities to deal with this - and then when these things happen, it to me demonstrates that our priorities are not where they are supposed to be. Psychological ailments should not be looked down upon, mental health should be available to all as it is in some countries, but where we live, we spend billions of dollars to chase our tails fighting terrorism, while here within our own borders, mentally ill people walk the streets in despair because the hospitals kick them out into the streets due to lack of government funding. Our country does a great job for those in power, and the privileged, but for those at the bottom - it is either screw you, or we can throw you in prison when you become too much of a problem. It seems like prevention is the best cure, and even Cho in his ranting diatribe said there were many opportunities to prevent this that were never taken. It only takes something like this to get everyone's attention, and even then people still seem to miss the point altogether.
I also find it interesting how - as tragic as it may be that 33 people died - that we seem to set a new bar when it is one of "our" guys. On the lower page of the newspaper, there is a blurb that almost 200 people died in a suicide bombing in Iraq, but that is "over there" and not one of our people, nobody cares, and it almost seems to have a racist tone to me. When a group of Americans die, than it becomes national news, Nancy Grace runs out to broadcast in tears at the scene of the crime, and then people pay attention. In my mind we are all human beings - so shouldn't we be equally outraged when people die of starvation, brutality, and violence - everywhere - not just here?? Where are the troops in Darfur where genocide is taking place? Not part of the war on terror - so just let 'em die I guess.
Our society is not based on compassion, helping the poor, the helpless, the homeless, the ones that do fall through the cracks. Especially the "conservative" elements, it is the notion of I scored, I got lucky, here is my little piece of wealth, don't raise my taxes, don't ask for any help from me, let me load up on guns in case any of you trespass on my property - I am an island, and screw you. That works great if we are all islands, but in my mind we are all interdependent, we are one human organism - and if one part of the organism is sick, than we all are. It is in the best interests of that organism for all portions of it to be healthy. That is where - in my mind - our society is all messed up. We only care about our own families, our own selves, our own well being - and all the TV can tell us is that the more shit we accumulate, the happier we are going to be. And yet as one of the world's wealthiest peoples, we don't seem all that happy to me at all. These events to me reveal the denial we are all in, the sickness that our society is embedded in - when one of us is sick, we all are, when a group of us dies, a part of all of us dies - especially when the media runs images of violence into the ground.
What separates me from a mass murderer? I have a faith in a higher power, I believe in karma, despite all the unresolved rage and anger that still lurks in my psyche, and unfortunately it is not all gone, my own experience has led me to believe that I am a part of something greater. Were it not for a few twists of fate, I could have been just a lost as one of them, in a mental institution, in prison, or dead from drug abuse. Don't let my professional face fool you, I am far from healed, even though I support our family and do my job quite well. Inside me, all it takes is a note from a member of my family to tell me about an upcoming event that I have no interest in participating in, and all of those dormant feelings start to rise again - rage, anxiety amongst them. Where Ram Daas once said in one of his books that he thrived on the feelings of conflict that came up with his family, I do not thrive at all - all it does is bring me back to feeling 20 years old again - and the potential to sink right back into that black hole - as a result - is very real. It is all hanging by a thread even now to some degree, and just to placate others and put my own feelings on the back burner is re-living a pattern of passive aggressiveness that led to my collapse to begin with. It may be selfish and going against some of the ideals I discussed earlier, but taking care of my psyche to keep myself afloat really is my priority. It is a miracle that I have come to the point where I am, but there is nothing saying that I cannot fall back into the depths of despair that I once lived, and because I have a wife and child to take care of, I simply have to do everything in my power to keep that from happening, even if a couple people are highly offended and upset as a result of that.
Meanwhile - my heart goes out to those that died on Monday - all of them - even the killer - they were all victims of the same sickness as far as I can see. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to be the parents of one of those kids who was shot in the head. I just hope that we can learn something from this, but I remain skeptical. Columbine was not too long ago, and other than a bunch of lawyers who walked away with a truck load of money, as will happen again, I am not really convinced that anything has changed. And if nothing changes, all the laws and reform in the world will not keep this from happening again.
posted by Zook at 4:42 PM
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