To give me just a little sweetness, just a little light

From "Just a Little Light"

(In case it isn't clear, every lyric quoted here is a Grateful Dead song unless otherwise stated)

Ever since coming to Nevada, I have noticed a change in mood right around November to December, but it goes back further than that. My manic switch to a suicidally inclined depression was around the same time, 20 years ago, so this is nothing new. My pattern is that late summer/early fall is a time of joy, and then I come crashing down right around daylight non-savings time come around. I have really learned to appreciate being outside in this mountainous desert area, and in the summer with my guitar and view of the mountains from the yard, it is a perfect setting to use my music to meditate and access my spiritual side. When it is too cold and dark to do that, I always feeling like one of my coping tools is taken away, which can be very difficult for me.

So - this year - I decided after two weeks of feeling miserable to try something different - and I ordered a SADS light - from a site (I hate to be a pimp, but this is worth pimping - and I get no comission at all from this) called Full Spectrum Solution. I had never heard of this site, but they are the first site that comes up when you GOOGLE the words SADS (maybe Google has some agreement with them). But anyways - it is like a foot long florescent light fixture that you can either use as a desk lamp, or you can buy a full 6 foot high self supporting one. Like anyone, I had my skepticism, but when you are desperate you are willing to try anything.

All I can say - at this point - after about 6 days of it - is it really seems to work. I don't know how or why (the booklet that comes with it says something about the pineal gland) but yesterday I had it on and while playing my guitar in the evening, I felt like I was in the back yard all over again - that same feeling of spirit and joy that has driven me to play guitar and sing over a 20 year time period (even if I do it an amateur level). I may not be a technical musical wizard, and I make plenty of mistakes and sing plenty of out of key notes, but the feeling is there for me and that is why I do it. So - may be too soon to come to conclusions, but after a couple weeks of feeling pretty miserable toward the end of November - I feel much better. It is like the depression has lifted - the same way the anxiety lifts after taking a Kava pill. I find emotions are like avalanches or whirlwinds and if something does not snap you out of it, you get more and more out of control and last weekend just to go shopping with the family was a major effort for me. Today is Sara's birthday and I feel rejuventated again, so this is at the right time.

Bottom line - if you can relate to anything I am saying here - buy this lamp. $171.00 including shipping isn't exactly cheap, but considering the cost of feeling happy vs. miserable - it is worth it.