I grieve for you, you leave me..

From I Grieve by Peter Gabriel

First heard this song when my dog Amit died and it seemed to really hit home then. His loss really hit me hard, about as bad as the loss of Jerry Garcia - and both were in the August month which is on the heels of fall. I don't know what it is, but this is always a particularly sad time of year for me. It always feels like someone or something has died and I find my depression that has haunted me my whole life seems to be particularly bad as fall approaches winter, and the days get shorter and the winter weather approaches. I can think of particular things - being isolated from the family I was born into, not having a lot of friends or support out here, people for Sara to play with - but some times it seems like there is no real reason for it, it is just there. This holiday weekend was pretty hard - I got my room painted a sunset orange color, but overall - the sense of isolation and sadness creeps in and doesn't seem to want to leave. A few people have suggested a SADS light - and I have ordered one and will be giving it a try. In the mean time - this is familiar territory for me - "I will survive" but it isn't always easy.