His eyes were clear and pure, but his mind was so deranged

I remember an interview with Charles Manson where the interviewer asked him if he was insane. His answer was something like "that's relative". What an excellent answer and how true. As an advocate of "harm none" I certainly do not agree with brutal stabbings, but I know a great observation when I hear it.

I want to share a comment excerpt below in response to a posting of mine:

"maybe your kid needs therapy cuz her parents are nuts and never leave her alone and humiliate her.. food for thought"

As far as humiliating her goes, I think both of us here go out of our way to treat our daughter with respect. We aren't perfect by any means, but we treat her with far more respect than either one of us were treated as kids by our own parents. Maybe it is a generational approach that was lacking in our time.

Now getting to the real point - are both of us "nuts"? Of course we are! Part of my own self-acceptance process is to not only realize that I have a ton of issues, but as the Saturday night live character (Stuart played by Al Franken) says - that's okay. I am good enough, I am smart enough and darn it I like myself - as cheesy as it sounds, that about sums it up. Coming from a crazy family, both genetically and in personality (wherever you draw the line there) I naturally am crazy myself. Then again - who do I know in this world who is not? Certainly nobody I have ever met or known. Maybe some Buddhist masters who have spent years in deep meditation are there, but as pointed out in the Don Ruiz book I just read, we are all sick people living in a world of hell where all of us are crazy and nobody seems to admit it. If everyone around you is sick, then insanity becomes the norm. Then, it is those of us who stand out in our mental illnesses who serve as a projection board for denial, which obviously was the case in this gentleman making this comment. Yes - I am crazy - I am not afraid to admit it. Chances are - you reading this - are too. Whether it is expressed in addiction to money, drugs, alcohol (wine in Mr. Liver's case), control, obsesssive religion, an eating disorder, anxiety, or one of the hundreds of symptom possibilities, chances are there is something wrong with you too.

Anyway - I could spend all day on this subject, but I want to focus on my relationship here at home. Every woman I have been involved with has had some variation of mental illness - no surprise given the fact that we are drawn to our parents, and my mother (I am not saying this in judgement) certainly has some issues of her own. What stands out about my current partner who I am married to is she is the most stable crazy person I have ever known, and that is why we have been together almost 10 years. She is the foundation I need in my life, and nothing I have now would be possible without her. Sure - my parents can take the money credit for putting me through school and helping out with the house down payment, and the education, but I would not have my family, house, career - any of that - without Victoria in my life. I would probably still be living in the cave on Lehigh Street in San Diego with the slugs crawling all over the floor.

This winter I thought a woman in another state was the answer to all my problems. Well - come to find out - this woman is a full blown Jesus freak. To each his or her own - but can you imagine me - an outspoken Jew who used to take pride in telling off all the Jesus freaks at my campus who would try to approach me and convert me to their views - can you imagine that person lasting 5 seconds with a full blown born again Christian? Probably not. This is what I have here that I could probably not have just about anywhere else - stability. My parents who are so fixated on the fact that my wife has not held a monetary job for long should appreciate her for the miraculous force in my life that she is. They never will - but that's okay - I certainly do.