Wishing well with a golden bell
bucket hanging clear to hell was actually going to be the title post for the one that actually turned into Just Like Frankenstein but now that I have just freshly listened to Disc 3 of Ladies and Gentlemen I am prepared to use this as my title line. On a side note, one of my friends who some of us refer to as the Captain read one of my selected posts here and observed that it was difficult for him to get past my writing style as one where I address an audience and get up on my soapbox so to speak. He has read some of my personal diary writings and quite truthfully, some of them get pretty raw, but unfortunately - they would not fly too well on a public site, even though I would like to put some of them in here. So you all have to live with the watered down version of me, but I will try as a response to this to not quite be so conscious of you looking over my shoulder, given the average numbers of response to any given writings of mine is somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 of a comment. I never win any popularity contests no matter where I go, but I am probably more comfortable that way.
The present book I have taken out from the Minden Library is The Art of Happiness - which I like in part because it is not just the Dalai Lama going off on his own, but an interaction between a very American psychiatrist - so that the east and west are somewhat balanced. Some times when you get the monologue approach, these people are so far into their other worldly realm that quite frankly it is a little hard to relate to them, as is often the case with Don Miguel Ruiz as well. On paper everything they say sounds great, but to us mortals who are still quite caught up in our daily soap opera emotions and desires, they can not be just put into place at the drop of a hat. As much as it may come across that way that I am on their level, I am nowhere near it - although I have fleeting moments of feeling like I am while singing lines such as Recall the Days that Still are to come when I am alone in a dark room as was the case last night.
So - this diatribe is about desires. On a very enlightened level, the common consensus from both Ruiz and the Dalai Lama is that any attachment tends to cause us problems, and the more we are liberated from our desires, the better off we are. Again - sounds wonderful, but I personally have to translate this down to the realm of a mere mortal. For one thing - my desire for sex is not going anywhere any time soon. There could always be more of it in my life, but I usually find when I have a very strong need to have it there, my marriage is accommodating. (Same disclaimer, if you are offended by this - stop reading here). It is true that my desire level is not often on the same page as the one of my wife, but going back to You Get What You Need - I find that I usually do in my marriage. Kind of like Shaq with his somewhat questionable claim that he always gets the free throws in when he needs them, that is my experience here at home. My personal observation after 10 years of being with my soul mate is that I have to sort out what I want from what I need, and sometimes I am just thinking I want it to happen because I believe it is suppose to, when I am really just going through the motions, and then when it finally does happen it is not even that great anyways. In addition - there is something to be said for taking more than a night off at a time and letting the desire build up on its own. I know there are people out there who claim to go at it constantly - 3-4 times if not more a day, and I often envy those people - and yet when it comes down to it - I do get what I need here, it is just not always the way I think it should work out on an immediate level, but it all seems to work out. So my compromise from no desire at all is to try to be in tune with do I really want this and need this vs. just thinking it should happen because there is nothing better to do. Some times I am even responding to what Victoria wants - not that this happens a lot, but it seems to. I could spend a whole section on all the females who have come across Victoria who have responded to her on a lesbian basis, but I think I will save that for another time - or better yet, not go there at all.
As far as romance goes, as pointed out in our book we are a society of romance. Where the Dalai Lama comes out and states he never feels lonely and is close to people on an intimate level (but not physical intimacy) he does not need to have a wife to feel this way, or even feel sex. Yet in our society we believe that if we are not in love and with our soul mate, we cannot feel this way - and even when we find a marriage situation, the romance is going to come to an end and then many keep on chasing it somewhere else, and then they end up being lonely forever. And this has affected me - as I have already written here and don't need to dwell on it - but my solution there is to experience those feelings on my own - while singing, listening to my favorite songs - and feeling the pull without actually responding to it. I love my wife, as a friend and sexually, but I don't know if I can state I am truly in love with her in a Romeo and Juliet fashion - and I am sure that is a mutual feeling there, but again I still can get what I need with what is there without having to go somewhere else, as I once felt I had to at one point in time. I can never say I am immune from that feeling, and I can never offer any complete guarantees to her or anyone, but I think having survived the strongest temptation I have ever had to face and having the marriage come out, somewhat battered but still intact - I don't believe I am going to succumb. I don't have women falling all over themselves to be with me either - which makes that one a little bit easier.
And what applies to sex applies to one of my greatest addictions and our society as a whole - food. It won't do to think of caramel.
There is room for moderation - and when I can get in tune with eating well, I not only keep my weight down, but I feel good about myself. Still I love chocolate and the latest word is that dark chocolate is healthy chocolate - so if I can limit myself to a couple pieces of it from Trader Joe's and watch what I eat I am coming out okay. Again - easier said than done, but it can be done. Yesterday I let it get the better of me, eating ice cream at Baskin Robbins because my enabler of a wife got a double scoop for both of us when I did not want it, and then ate the cake she later baked because it was there and for no other reason, with the end result being that I had to hit the Pepto Bismal in a state of nausea from too much sugar. I cannot be a role model for my own daughter if I eat tons of sugar infested shit all the time either. Not pointing fingers to one of our readers here - but bringing home Krispy Kreme doughnuts is not going to be setting up the best example for members of your household if you want them to be healthy. So again - the key for eating is to not eat because you are bored and there is nothing better to do, but eat what you need and what your body needs when you really need to - no more and no less, not self imposed starvation, but just eating the right thing at the right time - and that is also the best compromise I can come up with there.
Well - damn - I guess I got up on the soap box again, despite my efforts not to. Stepping down from it now.
The present book I have taken out from the Minden Library is The Art of Happiness - which I like in part because it is not just the Dalai Lama going off on his own, but an interaction between a very American psychiatrist - so that the east and west are somewhat balanced. Some times when you get the monologue approach, these people are so far into their other worldly realm that quite frankly it is a little hard to relate to them, as is often the case with Don Miguel Ruiz as well. On paper everything they say sounds great, but to us mortals who are still quite caught up in our daily soap opera emotions and desires, they can not be just put into place at the drop of a hat. As much as it may come across that way that I am on their level, I am nowhere near it - although I have fleeting moments of feeling like I am while singing lines such as Recall the Days that Still are to come when I am alone in a dark room as was the case last night.
So - this diatribe is about desires. On a very enlightened level, the common consensus from both Ruiz and the Dalai Lama is that any attachment tends to cause us problems, and the more we are liberated from our desires, the better off we are. Again - sounds wonderful, but I personally have to translate this down to the realm of a mere mortal. For one thing - my desire for sex is not going anywhere any time soon. There could always be more of it in my life, but I usually find when I have a very strong need to have it there, my marriage is accommodating. (Same disclaimer, if you are offended by this - stop reading here). It is true that my desire level is not often on the same page as the one of my wife, but going back to You Get What You Need - I find that I usually do in my marriage. Kind of like Shaq with his somewhat questionable claim that he always gets the free throws in when he needs them, that is my experience here at home. My personal observation after 10 years of being with my soul mate is that I have to sort out what I want from what I need, and sometimes I am just thinking I want it to happen because I believe it is suppose to, when I am really just going through the motions, and then when it finally does happen it is not even that great anyways. In addition - there is something to be said for taking more than a night off at a time and letting the desire build up on its own. I know there are people out there who claim to go at it constantly - 3-4 times if not more a day, and I often envy those people - and yet when it comes down to it - I do get what I need here, it is just not always the way I think it should work out on an immediate level, but it all seems to work out. So my compromise from no desire at all is to try to be in tune with do I really want this and need this vs. just thinking it should happen because there is nothing better to do. Some times I am even responding to what Victoria wants - not that this happens a lot, but it seems to. I could spend a whole section on all the females who have come across Victoria who have responded to her on a lesbian basis, but I think I will save that for another time - or better yet, not go there at all.
As far as romance goes, as pointed out in our book we are a society of romance. Where the Dalai Lama comes out and states he never feels lonely and is close to people on an intimate level (but not physical intimacy) he does not need to have a wife to feel this way, or even feel sex. Yet in our society we believe that if we are not in love and with our soul mate, we cannot feel this way - and even when we find a marriage situation, the romance is going to come to an end and then many keep on chasing it somewhere else, and then they end up being lonely forever. And this has affected me - as I have already written here and don't need to dwell on it - but my solution there is to experience those feelings on my own - while singing, listening to my favorite songs - and feeling the pull without actually responding to it. I love my wife, as a friend and sexually, but I don't know if I can state I am truly in love with her in a Romeo and Juliet fashion - and I am sure that is a mutual feeling there, but again I still can get what I need with what is there without having to go somewhere else, as I once felt I had to at one point in time. I can never say I am immune from that feeling, and I can never offer any complete guarantees to her or anyone, but I think having survived the strongest temptation I have ever had to face and having the marriage come out, somewhat battered but still intact - I don't believe I am going to succumb. I don't have women falling all over themselves to be with me either - which makes that one a little bit easier.
And what applies to sex applies to one of my greatest addictions and our society as a whole - food. It won't do to think of caramel.
There is room for moderation - and when I can get in tune with eating well, I not only keep my weight down, but I feel good about myself. Still I love chocolate and the latest word is that dark chocolate is healthy chocolate - so if I can limit myself to a couple pieces of it from Trader Joe's and watch what I eat I am coming out okay. Again - easier said than done, but it can be done. Yesterday I let it get the better of me, eating ice cream at Baskin Robbins because my enabler of a wife got a double scoop for both of us when I did not want it, and then ate the cake she later baked because it was there and for no other reason, with the end result being that I had to hit the Pepto Bismal in a state of nausea from too much sugar. I cannot be a role model for my own daughter if I eat tons of sugar infested shit all the time either. Not pointing fingers to one of our readers here - but bringing home Krispy Kreme doughnuts is not going to be setting up the best example for members of your household if you want them to be healthy. So again - the key for eating is to not eat because you are bored and there is nothing better to do, but eat what you need and what your body needs when you really need to - no more and no less, not self imposed starvation, but just eating the right thing at the right time - and that is also the best compromise I can come up with there.
Well - damn - I guess I got up on the soap box again, despite my efforts not to. Stepping down from it now.
posted by Zook at 6:16 AM
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