Right now I can't read too good
Don't send me no more letters no
Not unless you mail them
From Desolation Row
Probably going to piss a few people off by saying this - but oh well - here it comes - although I guess I am considered a "blogger" - I don't read anyone else's with any regularity. I have tried to read a few - I just admittedly lose interest pretty quickly. So if the deal is "I read yours if you read mine" - sorry if I am breaking it - but it is hard for me to pretend to be interested in something that doesn't interest me. I mainly do this for myself, knowing that some people - mainly invisible since they rarely admit it - are reading this. The problem is - I usually feel like I have an idea what some are really trying to say and if they just don't spit it out and say it, I just get bored. A lot of members of our American society spend many hours hypnotized by a demonic little box that ask us if we want to be just like someone on TV and then from early on we have this notion that we are supposed to be like that, and then if we aren't like some overpaid model who doesn't know how to act and has a generic personality, than there we believe that something is wrong with us.
So people spend half their lives trying to act like something that some overpaid television writer thought up in some caffeine-nicotine contaminated room, and when we are not those things, we feel like something is wrong with us and SHAME comes along. So what I am getting at is when I see people who are trying so hard to act non-human, act like what they have seen on TV or perceive to be "Normal" it comes across as incredibly one-dimensional, and although I can be Mr. One Dimensional Cheese when I am on an appointment, in my spare time I just don't have much patience for it. I used to watch cheesy shows like Three's Company and think my life was supposed to be like that. Well - my life never has been and never will be like that. My favorite radio show host Jim Rome said that a real life reality show would be some guy coming home every night frustrated that he is not getting laid and drinking himself to sleep every night, because that is a lot more real than anything we are going to see on the devil's favorite box. Not that I believe in the devil, but if he did exist - the television was invented by him. And if does not necessarily have to be TV, but as long as people have a notion of what society says they are suppose to be, an image of perfection that does not exist, than their lives will be ruled by shame and instead of being "themselves" they will try very hard to live up to some idealized notion that does not exist - so long story short - I see this in most blogs I have read - the notion of acting within those confined parameters - so I politely pass by and then rarely come back.
Now people have told me I am a good writer. That is nice to hear and I am humbled by that. I am not sure if I entirely agree with it as we are our own biggest critics, but if people like what I write here - I think one of the reasons is some of the better stuff I have written here is about the idea that it is in fact okay to Show a Little Bit of Emotion. I have written some stuff in some of my more rage consumed moments that might really freak some people out, and Victoria has pointed out more than once that this does not show up here. Well - I don't want to completely freak people out either, and as most of those notions have somewhat passed through my system (although they may show up in a dream from time to time) I don't need to dwell on every dark aspect of my psyche, or cause people who read to worry about me. But I don't dwell on every sexual fantasy, infatuation, spell of depression, anxiety, or anger that comes my way - as most of these things tend to be fleeting - so I don't necessarily walk through society or these blog sites with my exposed penis hanging out of my pants. So I have some constraints myself, and it is hard to write in a place that people will read without being a little self-conscious, a criticism I once came across. I also know that some of the strongest feedback comes when I do just whip it out so to speak, and just get straight to the raw emotion and let the chips fall where they may.
I spent a lot of my Great Depression months about half of my life ago feeling completely ashamed of who I was and hating myself for having emotions of such incredible depth, and I just concluded that the world had no place for anyone who felt those things, which made me conclude that I was not made to live in this world - and I admit - those feelings never entirely go away. But the more it is clear to me that all of us sit down and squeeze out incredibly strained and odorous defecations every night, and that everyone I have come across has some kind of emotional handicap that manifests somehow or another, in some ways it has allowed me to reach the point where I could tear down the wall and just realize it is okay to just express who I am without the world coming to an end. If it offends you or freaks you out, just don't read it. I am okay with who I am for the most part, and even though there are still enough neuroses, anxieties, and unresolved issues to fill up a shrink's office for months non stop, I can still function in spite of it - something I never imagined I could do when I was caught up in my emotional hell 20 years ago, and even though I have not done it by myself - I am proud to have gotten where I am - The Good Lord Willing if He Says I May
I told Victoria who is freaked out about writing that the best way to go about it is just say FUCK IT - this is what I have to say, and I am just going to say it - especially if you have an essay exam and limited time - second guessing and doubting is just going to take up time. Our society is so hung up on education, but Bob Dylan, one of the greatest writers of this time, did not have education beyond high school, and same with Frank Zappa. There is a lot to be said for higher education, as in our society it opens a lot of financial avenues, but in itself - as far as how good you are at whatever you decide to do, it really has nothing to do with it - a BA, BS, Masters or Phd can't make you good at what you do - a lot of our education is a function of how many hoops you can jump through, how far down you can bend over, and how much debt you can get into in the process. So as the least educated member of my family, I really don't spend too much time dwelling on the pecking order status issues that some of us are so caught up in, because I believe in what I do despite the lowly credentials. I think it is great that my brother and brother in law are both pursuing it, I just know it isn't for me and for my wife who is so concerned about her past education, I just believe that as Mavis Staples says in one of her songs "You are never too young, never too old, and it's never too late" to say what you have to say and do what you are going to do, and that none of us are any better or worse than the other when it comes down to it. He ain't no better than you
Not unless you mail them
From Desolation Row
Probably going to piss a few people off by saying this - but oh well - here it comes - although I guess I am considered a "blogger" - I don't read anyone else's with any regularity. I have tried to read a few - I just admittedly lose interest pretty quickly. So if the deal is "I read yours if you read mine" - sorry if I am breaking it - but it is hard for me to pretend to be interested in something that doesn't interest me. I mainly do this for myself, knowing that some people - mainly invisible since they rarely admit it - are reading this. The problem is - I usually feel like I have an idea what some are really trying to say and if they just don't spit it out and say it, I just get bored. A lot of members of our American society spend many hours hypnotized by a demonic little box that ask us if we want to be just like someone on TV and then from early on we have this notion that we are supposed to be like that, and then if we aren't like some overpaid model who doesn't know how to act and has a generic personality, than there we believe that something is wrong with us.
So people spend half their lives trying to act like something that some overpaid television writer thought up in some caffeine-nicotine contaminated room, and when we are not those things, we feel like something is wrong with us and SHAME comes along. So what I am getting at is when I see people who are trying so hard to act non-human, act like what they have seen on TV or perceive to be "Normal" it comes across as incredibly one-dimensional, and although I can be Mr. One Dimensional Cheese when I am on an appointment, in my spare time I just don't have much patience for it. I used to watch cheesy shows like Three's Company and think my life was supposed to be like that. Well - my life never has been and never will be like that. My favorite radio show host Jim Rome said that a real life reality show would be some guy coming home every night frustrated that he is not getting laid and drinking himself to sleep every night, because that is a lot more real than anything we are going to see on the devil's favorite box. Not that I believe in the devil, but if he did exist - the television was invented by him. And if does not necessarily have to be TV, but as long as people have a notion of what society says they are suppose to be, an image of perfection that does not exist, than their lives will be ruled by shame and instead of being "themselves" they will try very hard to live up to some idealized notion that does not exist - so long story short - I see this in most blogs I have read - the notion of acting within those confined parameters - so I politely pass by and then rarely come back.
Now people have told me I am a good writer. That is nice to hear and I am humbled by that. I am not sure if I entirely agree with it as we are our own biggest critics, but if people like what I write here - I think one of the reasons is some of the better stuff I have written here is about the idea that it is in fact okay to Show a Little Bit of Emotion. I have written some stuff in some of my more rage consumed moments that might really freak some people out, and Victoria has pointed out more than once that this does not show up here. Well - I don't want to completely freak people out either, and as most of those notions have somewhat passed through my system (although they may show up in a dream from time to time) I don't need to dwell on every dark aspect of my psyche, or cause people who read to worry about me. But I don't dwell on every sexual fantasy, infatuation, spell of depression, anxiety, or anger that comes my way - as most of these things tend to be fleeting - so I don't necessarily walk through society or these blog sites with my exposed penis hanging out of my pants. So I have some constraints myself, and it is hard to write in a place that people will read without being a little self-conscious, a criticism I once came across. I also know that some of the strongest feedback comes when I do just whip it out so to speak, and just get straight to the raw emotion and let the chips fall where they may.
I spent a lot of my Great Depression months about half of my life ago feeling completely ashamed of who I was and hating myself for having emotions of such incredible depth, and I just concluded that the world had no place for anyone who felt those things, which made me conclude that I was not made to live in this world - and I admit - those feelings never entirely go away. But the more it is clear to me that all of us sit down and squeeze out incredibly strained and odorous defecations every night, and that everyone I have come across has some kind of emotional handicap that manifests somehow or another, in some ways it has allowed me to reach the point where I could tear down the wall and just realize it is okay to just express who I am without the world coming to an end. If it offends you or freaks you out, just don't read it. I am okay with who I am for the most part, and even though there are still enough neuroses, anxieties, and unresolved issues to fill up a shrink's office for months non stop, I can still function in spite of it - something I never imagined I could do when I was caught up in my emotional hell 20 years ago, and even though I have not done it by myself - I am proud to have gotten where I am - The Good Lord Willing if He Says I May
I told Victoria who is freaked out about writing that the best way to go about it is just say FUCK IT - this is what I have to say, and I am just going to say it - especially if you have an essay exam and limited time - second guessing and doubting is just going to take up time. Our society is so hung up on education, but Bob Dylan, one of the greatest writers of this time, did not have education beyond high school, and same with Frank Zappa. There is a lot to be said for higher education, as in our society it opens a lot of financial avenues, but in itself - as far as how good you are at whatever you decide to do, it really has nothing to do with it - a BA, BS, Masters or Phd can't make you good at what you do - a lot of our education is a function of how many hoops you can jump through, how far down you can bend over, and how much debt you can get into in the process. So as the least educated member of my family, I really don't spend too much time dwelling on the pecking order status issues that some of us are so caught up in, because I believe in what I do despite the lowly credentials. I think it is great that my brother and brother in law are both pursuing it, I just know it isn't for me and for my wife who is so concerned about her past education, I just believe that as Mavis Staples says in one of her songs "You are never too young, never too old, and it's never too late" to say what you have to say and do what you are going to do, and that none of us are any better or worse than the other when it comes down to it. He ain't no better than you
posted by Zook at 6:11 AM
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