Love and fear
We saw our therapist (Suzy) yesterday and it had been almost two months. She keeps on preaching the two choices of love and fear, again out of Mastery of Love. In love you allow people to be who they are and do not try to control them. You accept them and work on yourself, not the other person. In fear, you are constantly trying in vain to change and control another person, which ultimately only suffocates that person and dooms a relationship. You can only really love and accept another, if you first know how to love and accept yourself. I am working on it, but it is going against a whole bunch of programmed emotions that send me to "the dark side". I think the song I just posted here is one of my many attempts at positive re-inforcement and acceptance.
I read to Suzy the letter I had sent to my parents. Her only real criticism of it was that I was shutting the door, and she did not think I should do that. Instead, she said that I should present the choice to my parents of entering a relationship with us based on mutual respect and love. Once any dis-respectful or negative comments are made, than any interaction at the moment has to end (hang up the phone, walk away from dinner, etc.) . Victoria was able to admit that her angry feelings about receiving correspondence/gifts in the mail from them directed to Sara were more out of her wounded pride and ego, than what is in fact the best for Sara - so even though she already sent back one of her cards in the mail to them, we have gone ahead with Sara's wishes to send out a thank you note to them for the fish bracelet they sent out. I am still kind of overwhelmed by all of this, but I am going to try to abide by what Suzy suggests - she has done wonders for my relationship with my wife already, so I am going to try this out, even though every raw emotion of mine wants to go in the other direction.
In case you are wondering what happened to all of my previous writings here, I deleted all of them. I saved them onto a disc, but I am trying to go in a different direction here now - not quite be so naked with my emotions here, and keep my "garbage" in my own trash can.
I read to Suzy the letter I had sent to my parents. Her only real criticism of it was that I was shutting the door, and she did not think I should do that. Instead, she said that I should present the choice to my parents of entering a relationship with us based on mutual respect and love. Once any dis-respectful or negative comments are made, than any interaction at the moment has to end (hang up the phone, walk away from dinner, etc.) . Victoria was able to admit that her angry feelings about receiving correspondence/gifts in the mail from them directed to Sara were more out of her wounded pride and ego, than what is in fact the best for Sara - so even though she already sent back one of her cards in the mail to them, we have gone ahead with Sara's wishes to send out a thank you note to them for the fish bracelet they sent out. I am still kind of overwhelmed by all of this, but I am going to try to abide by what Suzy suggests - she has done wonders for my relationship with my wife already, so I am going to try this out, even though every raw emotion of mine wants to go in the other direction.
In case you are wondering what happened to all of my previous writings here, I deleted all of them. I saved them onto a disc, but I am trying to go in a different direction here now - not quite be so naked with my emotions here, and keep my "garbage" in my own trash can.
posted by Zook at 5:09 AM
1 Comments:
Zook, your therapist is very wise. I'm really glad that you are choosing to listen to her. Now that yours and your wife's relationship is better, is time to tackle the greater task of your folks. Good luck!
As for your garbage, don't forget where you came from. Otherwise there's always the chance that you'll revert.
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